


Wake Me Up

by mocorin



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2018-01-14 01:55:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1248352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mocorin/pseuds/mocorin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Does a "live happily ever after" really exist? When Sho thought his life was perfect, someone got into his life and made him a mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

[Sho's POV]  
  
 _“I.. I love you.”_  
I still remember that day when Satoshi confessed to me. His cheeks were in deep red because of the embarrassment. His eyes closed and his lips were trembling, waiting for my response. I could feel my cheeks getting hotter even though it was snowing. It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t fancy. It was just me and Satoshi in front of my apartment’s door.  
 _“I love you too, Satoshi.”_  
It was all I said to him.  
  
“Sho!”  
A hand waving in front of my face and I could hear my bandmate’s, now lover, voice calling out for me. It had been two years since he confessed to me. I blushed remembering that day.  
“What were you thinking about, Sho-chan?”  
Ah.. His voice sounded like a melody to me.  
“I.. Uh.. Hm.. Nothing..”  
“Were you thinking about me? Or.. Were you thinking some naughty things?” He smirked.  
Damn Satoshi and his playful smile. His wicked smile.  
“O-of course not!” I blushed.  
I smacked his back playfully and giggled.  
  
“Oh you guys, stop being lovey dovey while we’re here! Get a room! It’s disgusting!” Nino protested while making a face to us.  
Ah I just realized that we’re still in the greenroom with the other members. I virtually smacked my own forehead.  
“Ne, Sho-chan.. Your manager said that you have a day-off tomorrow. Do you have any plans tomorrow? Let’s go shopping! I need to buy some pairs of socks.. You know my socks keep disappearing. I don’t even know why. Could it be a ghost stealing my socks?!” Aiba-chan asked me.  
Ugh I haven’t answered his question yet but he kept on talking. Since when a ghost steal socks?! Sometimes I want to know what inside his brain. Nah forget it. I don’t want to know.  
  
“Sho-chan.. Is my apartment haunted?”  He asked while tugging my sleeves.  
“I don’t think your apartment is haunted, Aiba-chan.. Your apartment is too messy to be haunted.” I smiled devilishly.  
“Ah! You’re right.” Aiba-chan smiled brightly.  
Guh.. He actually believed that?! Now I really want to know how broken his brain is.  
  
“Ne, Sho-chan, ghost or not. I want to go shopping tomorrow. You’ll come, right? I can pick you up at your apartment tomorrow!”  
Hell no. I don’t care if you’ll pick me up or not. The last time I went shopping with him, I got chased by some crazy fangirls and lost my precious parka. Stupid Aiba put my glasses and hat off innocently and calling out my name loudly. SEVERAL TIMES. Then suddenly, a bunch of girls staring at me and chased me. What was my fault?! I had to run as fast as I could. Guh I almost got raped that time. If the police wasn’t there maybe I would be naked at the street. I don’t even know how Aiba-chan could survive from that incident. Maybe he has an invisible cloak? Or maybe he turned to be a mirrorman? Agh.. I won’t let it happen again!  
  
“S-sorry Aiba-chan.. I.. I have plans tomorrow with Satoshi!” I lied.  
I gave my lover a death glare.  
“Y-yeah. I guess so..” Satoshi played along with my act.  
Hell, I don’t even know his schedule for tomorrow.  
Aiba gave his kicked puppy eyes to me. No way! No, I won’t lose!  
“Sorry Aiba-chan.. I can’t..” I said while closing my eyes.  
“Okay then..” He sighed and went to Nino’s side.  
Yeah! I made a victory sign in my mind. I’m free! I’m saved!  
I turned my head to my lover to kiss his cheek.  
“Satoshi, are you free tomorrow?” I whispered.  
“No, I have work until midnight.” He shook his head and gave me an apologetic smile.  
“Oh.. Okay..” I pouted. But.. It can’t be helped, can it?  
Ah I was thinking about some rough sex, some cuddling, and maybe another hot sex with him for tomorrow. I sighed.  
I didn’t notice someone heard our conversation at that time.  
I think this was the last day I could feel peace in my life..


	2. Chapter 2

[Sho's POV]  
  
I woke up lazily as the sun ray hit my face. I pressed my cheeks to the body next to me and hug him from behind. Satoshi’s body was always soft and nice to be snuggled.  
  
“Hmm.. Sho-chan..”  
Satoshi turned around to face me and slipped his hand under my pajama. I could feel my body burning under his touch. Then I felt his lips on mine. He kissed me slowly while rubbing my back gently. Ah it felt so nice.  
  
I put my hands on his nape and pull him closer. I kissed him back. Deeper now. I could feel his tongue exploring my mouth. His kiss was always sweet and tender. It felt so right. I moaned as I felt his hands exploring all over my back and nape. Ah heavenly..  
He pulled away and smiled at me sweetly. I smiled back at him and gave butterfly kisses all over his chubby face. Oh how I love this guy.  
  
“Ah.. Sho-chan.. I have work in an hour..” He tried to stop me.  
I saw the clock beside our bed. It’s only 8 am.  
“We still have time, Satoshi..” I said as I licked his ear.  
He continued to squirm under my kisses. Oh I love every sound he made.  
  
“Forget work, Satoshi.. Just stay with me..” I gave him my best playful smile as I teased his junior down there. He was hard already.  
“Hnngggg.. I can’t, Sho.. I can’t..” He said as he pushed me away gently.  
I pouted at that and gave him my adorable - _Satoshi always said that_ \- puppy eyes.  
He smirked suddenly and leaned closer.  
“Behave, Sho. I will give you a reward tonight. Be a good boy, okay?” He whispered.  
I could feel his hot breath in my ear. His voice was deep and sexy as hell.  
  
Damn my lover was very hot. I saw him got out from bed and walked to the bathroom while staring at me with his damn wicked smile.  
Aaargh.. Why did I get hard only by hearing that damn voice?!  
I patted my own crotch. Stay calm, my junior. It will be a long day for us.  
  
While Satoshi in the bathroom, I decided to make him breakfast. Yeah I learned how to cook recently just for Satoshi.  
Once he was ready for work, he grabbed the toast and drank the orange juice I prepared for him quickly.  
“Sorry Sho, I’m in a hurry! The manager is here already! I’ll try to come back as soon as possible! I promise!” He pecked my lips.  
I was about to bid him goodbye, he left already. I sighed.  
  
Once he left, the apartment became so silent. Should I head to bed again? Watch news program? Read newspaper?  
Ah I didn’t feel like doing anything without Satoshi around me. I missed him already.  
I walked around the apartment and decided to do some cleaning. I hadn’t had time for this thanks to the hectic schedule.  
After cleaning, I head to the bathroom to get a cold shower. Ah it felt so refreshing. While in the shower, I thought what to do next after this.  
 _“ I will give you a reward tonight.”_  
I wonder what Satoshi would do tonight. I couldn’t help but to think what Satoshi would do to me later.  
Damn just by thinking of it, my junior stood proudly. Satoshi why are you always dominating my mind?! Not that I hate it though. It worth anyway.  
  
I think I should release this or I would be horny all day long alone. My right hand started to head south already while the other went to my lips. I sucked my left fingers as I imagined Satoshi’s cock in my mouth. Oh I love him when he fucked my mouth.  
I continued to jerk myself off. It’s been a while since I jerked myself off. Well I didn’t need it for a long time because Satoshi would always help to fulfill my needs. He knew well how to use his skillful hands on me. He knew perfectly how to give me pleasure.  
  
Ah! Stop thinking dirty, Sakurai! I couldn’t believe I kept on thinking what Satoshi would do to me for these past few hours.  
“Urnhh.. Aahh..” I finally came on my own hand. Quickly, I cleaned my body under the shower. It’s not as nice as the real sex. I sighed. I want Satoshi. Now.  
But at least I could hold it until Satoshi’s home for now. I would jump on him as soon as he’s home. I bet he’d like it. I giggled.  
  
Once I got out from shower, I heard a ring on the front door.  
 _Ding dong!_  
  
I wonder who that was. Satoshi? No, no way. It’s only been like two hours since he left. The last thing I want to see is Aiba in front of the door. I don’t want to get involved in his stupid incident. Never again.  
“Hai, hai.. Please wait for a moment!” I said loud enough to be heard until the front door.  
I put my home clothes quickly then lazily walked to the front door.  
I opened the door slowly. Whoa! An unexpected guest was here. I wonder what he wanted to do in my apartment. I stood still and blinked at the guest. I was surprised to see him.


	3. Chapter 3

  
  
[Sho's POV]  
  
  
“Oh hey, Jun! What’s up? I thought you have work today.” I greeted him.  
He scratched the back of his head shyly.  
“Oh.. The filming got cancelled.. By the way, I bought your favorite cake!”  
Eh? How did Jun know my favorite cake? Nah I don’t care about it. I drooled mentally staring at the cake he bought for me.  
“Come in, Jun!” I offered him and got him the slippers.  
“Why didn’t you call me before coming here? I could prepare something for you. I haven’t cooked anything yet. Only leftover breakfast this morning.” I asked as we walked into the living room.  
“Well.. My filming location was around here.” Jun said as he sat on the couch.  
“Oh I see.. Would you like some tea?” I asked him before going to the kitchen.  
“Yes please. Thanks, Sho.”  
“Wait a minute, okay?” I walked into the kitchen to prepare the tea and cake he brought.  
“Jun, do you mind if I add some milk in your tea?” I asked him from the kitchen.  
No response. Maybe he’s in the toilet.  
  
I continued preparing the tea and pour the milk in the other cup. Just in case he wanted it. Duh, I’m so smart. I praised myself. While preparing the tea and cake, I hummed my favorite song.  
  
I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me suddenly.  
“Ah!” I squeaked.  
W-what the hell?  
“J-Jun? W-what are you doing?” I shivered.  
It was unusual for him to hug people like this. He’s not Nino who liked to cling.  
“Sho.. You smell nice.” He tightened the hug and sniffed my neck. I was suffocating. My heart was beating faster than usual. Deep inside, I screamed for help.  
 “J-Jun. Please.. Stop!” I turned around to push him away.  But he was stronger than me. He tightened the hug more and he leaned closer. I could feel his breath on my cheek.  This wasn’t right. It’s not Jun. Not the Jun I know!  
He kissed me roughly. I could feel his tongue exploring my mouth and his hand under my shirt.  
  
“Unff.. Jun, stop! This isn’t you!” I slapped his cheek. It was a reflect action. I put my hand over my chest to calm myself. I felt guilty for slapping him.  
“S-sorry Jun.. I.. I didn’t mean to.. To slap you..” I apologized, trembling.  
I saw him rubbing his red cheek but I couldn’t see his face. The bangs covered his face.  
“How dare you.. Sho..” He said in low voice. I barely heard his sentence.. I instinctively walked backward as he walked towards me.  
He grabbed my wrist roughly and pushed me into the couch. Ouch that hurt!  
  
He grabbed my chin and forced me to see his eyes. His eyes were dark. This was not Jun. The Jun I know was calm and kind towards me.  
  
“I’ve been waiting for this, Sho.”  
Huh? Wait for what? I couldn’t form a sentence as he continued his speech.  
“Do you know how much I want you, Sho? Do you know how I want to feel you? Do you know how sick I am as I see you with Leader?! I’ve been waiting for this, Sho! I can’t hold it anymore. I want to break you. I want to make you mine.” He pinned me down as he held my wrist above my head while the other hand still grabbing my face.  
“Let me go, Jun! This isn’t you! Let me go!!” I struggled.  
  
 _Slap!_  
  
He slapped me. Hard. I couldn’t feel my cheek anymore. The tears ran down.  
It hurt. My cheek hurt. My wrist hurt. More importantly.. My chest hurt.  
He loosened up his belt and tied me with his belt. I tried to get away from him but damn he was unexpectedly strong!  
He pulled out his handkerchief from his pocket and wrapped it around my mouth. I tried to protest but he slapped my cheek again.  
  
 _Satoshi! Help me!_  
  
My tears kept on running down my cheek. I couldn’t feel my cheeks and wrist. They were numb. He tied me tightly. I was pretty sure my hands had turned white.  
He lifted me up like a sack and threw me to my bed. No. Mine and Satoshi’s bed. Our bed.  
He pulled my shirt up and licked my navel. I squirmed.  
  
 _Satoshi.. Why aren’t you here?_  
  
Jun threw away my clothes and pants. I was stark naked. I couldn’t move my body. I couldn’t scream. I was helpless.  
All the romantic plans with Satoshi were vanished. I was being stained by another man.  
Jun continued exploring my body. He grabbed my cock and jerked me.  
No. It didn’t feel good at all.  
  
I felt a finger in me. He was scissoring me! He put his fingers into my puckered hole! It was two fingers in one go.  
Argh! It hurt. He did it roughly without lube. I could feel blood rushing out from my hole. He continued and add another finger in me. I tried to scream but nothing came out.  
  
 _Satoshi.._  
  
 He pushed his cock suddenly into me. He pounced me roughly. I couldn’t control my tears.  
Then..  
  
 _Slap!_  
  
He slapped me again. My back this time. With Satoshi’s belt now. I didn’t even know how he got it. As if he hasn’t satisfied yet, he slapped me once more. Now I couldn’t feel my back. My legs were like jelly. I had no energy to struggle. Only tears rushing down. Oh and blood.  
  
He soon came inside of me. His come was mixed with my blood. They were rushing out from my hole. I heard Jun laughing on top of me.  
He loosened the handkerchief on my mouth and kissed me roughly. He bit my lower lip until I could taste my own blood. Then he pulled my hair and forced me to face him. He wiped the tears on my right cheek with the other hand.  
“Sho.. You’re so beautiful.. ” He licked my tears away. But my tears kept rolling down.  
“I don’t care if Ohno knows about this, Sho. Do you want to break Arashi apart? If you want that, tell him.” He whispered and laughed loudly.  
  
Arashi.. The future of Arashi is in my hands..  
  
 _“I’m glad I’m in Arashi”_  
I remembered what Aiba said.  
I remembered the smiles on Nino’s, Aiba’s and Satoshi’s face when we’re together.  
I remembered how happy they were when we had a filming together.  
  
If I reported this, Arashi would be gone. Arashi would be disbanded.  
  
“Think about it carefully, Sho.” Jun said as he put his clothes on.  
“I know you’re smart enough to face this problem.” He smirked and pecked my lips before going out of my apartment. Mine and Satoshi’s apartment.  
  
 _Why? Jun.. Why did you do this?_  
I stared at the white wall blankly. I continued to sob as I covered my dirty body with the sheets.  
  
 _Satoshi.._  
  
  
 _I’m dirty.._


	4. Chapter 4

[Ohno’s POV]  
  
It had been 5 months since I lived together with Sho. When I asked him to move in with me, he blushed and nodded shyly. He looked so adorable when he did that! I squeezed him at that and turned around happily.  
  
I'm glad I have Sho.  
  
I remembered what Sho did to me this morning. He suddenly hugged me from behind in bed and nuzzled his cheek. I turned around and stared at his angelic face. He looked like a puppy to me.  
  
I teased him by sneaking my hand under his pajama.  
“Ahhn.. Satoshi..” He moaned.  
I cut his beautiful moan by kissing him slowly. I tried to explore every inch of his hot cavern. I know he liked it when I did this to him. I was right. He deepened the kiss and put his hands on my nape.  
  
I wanted to continue exploring his body. But I remembered that I had work this morning. So, I stopped him immediately.  
He asked me to stay with him today. I really wished I could skip work today. Especially when Sho wanted this so much. But my manager would kill me because he said that the director was strict. I might lose the job if I didn’t satisfy that old man.  
  
An idea came to my mind suddenly. I told Sho to be a good boy then I would give him a reward. Of course it would be an unforgettable night for us. I whispered to him with my best deep voice. Then I rushed to the bathroom to get ready for work.  
  
I left the apartment hurriedly. I managed to gave Sho a peck, though. But it’s not enough. Why do I have work today? Why today when Sho wants me? I cursed under my breath.  
“Good morning!” I greeted the staff as I arrived at the location.  
The filming took a long time. The director was a perfectionist. The actors had to repeat the same scenes until he was satisfied.  
My scene was also repeated like.. 10 times?  
  
I looked at my watch. Ah it’s 12 pm already. Usually Sho would mail me when he had nothing to do. I checked my cellphone. None. There’s no email from Sho. I scrolled down to check if I had missed his email. I checked it several times already but the result was still the same.  
  
 _Hey, darling <3_  
What are you doing at home? Have you been thinking of me?  
By the way it’s lunch time now. Don’t forget to eat, okay?  
I’m on break right now. But it’ll be over in some minutes.  
I missed you so much. I waited for your email but I guess you’re busy right now.  
Have you been a good boy?  
I can’t wait giving you the reward tonight.  
  
Love,  
Satoshi xoxo  
  
I blushed as I sent him the mail. I couldn’t believe what I just typed just now. But I was sure Sho would be happy to read that.  
I closed my cellphone as the staff called me.  
  
 _Pang!_  
  
Uh.. What’s this sudden pang in my chest? Something’s not right. Was it just my feeling?  
I had the urge to go home suddenly.  
Sho’s at home right now. Nothing would happen to him at home.  
I continued the filming.  
  
I wish I could go home soon..  
  
  
[Jun’s POV]  
  
W-what did I just do to Sho?!  
I was still in front of Sho’s apartment. I stared at my hands blankly.  
I.. I.. I just raped Sho?!  
  
 _“J-Jun. Please.. Stop!”_  
His voice rang in my head. He didn’t want it but I forced him to do it!  
 _“Let me go, Jun! This isn’t you! Let me go!!”_  
  
I crouched down and pulled my hair. I.. I didn’t mean to be harsh on him. I just.. I just wanted to tell him that I loved him. And will always do.  
But.. Something had slipped on my mind.  
I couldn’t control it when I saw Sho in the kitchen. I didn’t notice that I stared at him like a pervert. I imagined how he would do under my touches. How soft his milky white skin was. How tasty his lips were.  
  
I started to laugh again. I didn’t regret it.  
  
I finally made Sho mine.  
I will make him mine. Mine only.  
  
Suddenly I could feel my cheeks wet.  
  
Huh? Tears?  
  
Why did I cry?


	5. Chapter 5

  
[Sho’s POV]  
  
“I’m home!” Satoshi said cheerfully.  
I walked to the front door trying to ignore the pain on my lower back.  
“Welcome home, Satoshi.” I smiled at him.  
“Are you okay, Sho? You look pale..” He headed towards me.  
I saw his hand trying to touch me cheek. I slapped his hand away.  
“I-I’m fine, Satoshi. I’m just tired. I’ve prepared dinner for you on the table. I’m going to sleep.” I said that quickly. Without waiting his reply, I went to the bedroom.  
  
I turned off the lamp and slipped into the bed. I winced at the pain on my waist. I rubbed my wrists gently. The belt mark was still there. Satoshi might notice this if I didn’t wear long sleeves. I had to be careful. Jun also left me a mark on my back. My back was still burning.  
I heard Satoshi re-heated the dinner I made for him. I felt guilty to be with him right now.  
  
I wish I could disappear now.  
  
When Satoshi entered the bedroom, I pretended to be asleep. I could hear Satoshi tuning off the lamp and slipped into the bed. I moved away from him as far as I could. I didn’t want him to touch me. Or rather, I was afraid someone’s touch at that moment.  
Luckily Satoshi didn’t move to get near to me. I felt relieved.  
  
After some minutes, I could hear the light snore from Satoshi. He looked like a baby when he’s asleep. That’s the man I love, the man I had betrayed. This body which was his, dirtied by another man. I didn’t deserve to be here anymore.  
  
I had betrayed him..  
  
As I stared his face, I started to sob silently.  
I didn’t know what to do.  
  
If Satoshi knew that I was manhandled by Jun, he might hate me. And Arashi won’t be Arashi anymore. We might break apart. And it would be my fault.  
I bit my lips to hold my sob and slipped out from bed. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I couldn’t be with Satoshi anymore. I didn’t deserve for him.  
I had to clean myself. I was dirty. I needed to clean myself. I had to rinse my sinful body.  
  
I headed to the bathroom and took a cold shower. I scrubbed my body where Jun touched me. I scrubbed every inch of my body. But I was still dirty. The obvious mark on my chest was the proof that I was dirty. I continued scrubbing until I felt pain all over my body. My body had turned red because of the rough scrubbing.  
  
Suddenly I recalled when Jun kissed me, touched me, pounced me. Nausea hit me. I covered my mouth. I tried to push that memory away but it kept bugging me like a broken video in my head. I was disgusting. I could feel Jun’s touch. Couldn’t hold it anymore, I threw up.  
I let out a frustrated growl. I crouched down and pulled my hair. Unconsciously, I chanted in a low voice.  
  
 _I’m Satoshi’s.._  
  
 _I’m Satoshi’s.._  
  
 _I’m Satoshi’s.._  
  
  
  
[Ohno’s POV]  
  
I finished the filming earlier. After bidding goodbyes to the co-workers and other staffs, I went home. I felt anxious during the ride. I tried to calm myself but it didn’t help.  
It was 8 pm when I arrived at our apartment. I was expecting Sho’s smile when I entered.  
  
“I’m home!” I said cheerfully.  
There was no reply for a moment. I saw Sho coming from the bedroom. Was it just imagination? Was he limping? His face was pale, as white as our bedsheet.  
“Welcome home, Satoshi.” He smiled at me.  
“Are you okay, Sho? You look pale..” I moved towards him, trying to put my hand onto his cheek.  
He slapped my hand away weakly and turned his face away. Something was not right. I frowned at that. I was about to ask what happened but he cut my sentence.  
“I-I’m fine, Satoshi. I’m just tired. I’ve prepared dinner for you on the table. I’m going to sleep.” He said quickly then headed to the bedroom.  
I saw him rushing to the bedroom. He didn’t even say good night to me. He was never forget to say that before. Even if he was away, he would always call me to say ‘good night’ and ‘I love you’.  
  
I didn’t want to force him tonight. He needed some rest and I would give him some space for tonight. I planned to ask him tomorrow.  
After filling my stomach up, I went straight to bed. I saw Sho was asleep already. He must be tired. I forgot about the promise I made for him.  
  
Sho’s health was more important than anything. He looked so small tonight. He slept far away as if he’s avoiding me. I smiled sadly at that. I wanted to kiss him, but I was afraid I might wake him up. I knew him very well, he was a light sleeper.  
I covered myself silently to get a dreamless sleep.  
  
I wish I didn’t go to work that day.  
  
If I had skipped work, Sho wouldn’t be like this now.


	6. Chapter 6

[Ohno's POV]  
  
I woke up at the warm air around my neck. I saw Sho beside me, his hands clenched over his chest as if his chest were hurt.  
His breathing was uneven then I saw a drop of sweat running through his face.  
I wiped away his sweat and brushed his bangs.  
His face was pale I could see the dark circles under his eyes.  
I was sure he hadn't had a nice sleep.  
I touched his forehead, wondering if he had a fever. But no, he wasn't burning, he felt so cold.  
Suddenly, he stirred from his sleep at my touch.  
  
"Sho-chan... Are you okay? You're cold..."  
He groaned and snuggled to me, searching for warmth.  
He opened his round eyes slowly. I just noticed that his lips were chapped.  
I thumbed his cheek and asked him again.  
"Are you fine, Sho?"  
I could hardly see his slow nod.  
"Get some rest. Just stay at home today. I'll call your manager." I slipped out from bed to get my phone but I felt a hand grabbed my wrist.  
"NO! I don't want! Satoshi... Please stay with me..." He begged. I can saw his round eyes filled with tears.  
"But... I have work... I don't think it's a good idea. Johny-san won't be happy at this."  
"Let me go with you. Don't leave me alone... I don't want to stay here." He begged.  
I sat down on the bed and patted his head lovingly. I was worried at his condition.  
"Are you sure, Sho? But I think you need some rest. Look at you... You look so pale, baby."  
"I'll... I'll be fine, Satoshi..."  
"Okay, if you say so. Just... Don't push yourself too hard, baby." I kissed his cheek as I stood up to get a shower.  
  
After getting out from the shower, I saw Sho staring at the wall blankly. He was biting his nail rapidly and murmured something incoherent.  
"Sho?" I moved towards him worriedly.  
He turned his head to me then he smiled at me weakly.  
"I feel dirty... I have to clean myself..." He rushed to the bathroom quickly, hands folded.  
I saw him closing the door loudly.  
  
 _He acted so weird..._  
  
I walked to the table and saw nothing but an empty mug.  
Sho didn't prepare the breakfast.  
He usually insisted making breakfast for us even though it was just yogurt or fruits.  
  
 _Ah, maybe it's because Sho wasn't feeling well..._  
  
Then I prepare 2 cups of coffee for me and Sho. It had been a long time since I made coffee for myself. Usually Sho would do it for me.  
I sighed.  
  
I looked at my watch. One hour had passed since Sho entered the bathroom. The manager would be here soon.  
  
Knock knock  
  
I knocked the bathroom door.  
"Sho, are you done? The manager's will be here soon. We'll be late..."  
I heard nothing from the bathroom and a cold chill rushed to my neck.  
"Sho?" I opened the door slowly to check him.  
The steam from the shower covered my view but I could see Sho's silhouette.  
He noticed me entering the bathroom; he quickly turned the shower off and grabbed his towel to cover his body.  
"Don't look!" He shouted.  
Was it just imagination? I saw some red marks on his back. They looked painful.  
But I pushed those thoughts away. Maybe it was just because of the hot shower he took.  
"Sorry! C-Could you get dressed quickly? The manager will be here soon." I looked away and faced the wall.  
It wasn't like I had never seen Sho's body before. But if Sho didn't want me to look, I wouldn't dare to do so.  
"O-okay. I'll be ready in some minutes. Could you get out now?"  
"Urm, yeah, sure." He rushed out of the bathroom hurriedly.  
  
In some minutes, Sho was ready. He wore a long-sleeved tee, a casual jacket over it and dark blue jeans.  
He looked so fine like this. Sho's taste was not as bad as people think.  
The manager arrived not long after Sho got out from our bedroom.  
"Let's go, Sho!" I held his hand.  
But Sho freed his hand at that and walked away, passing me by.  
I didn't get why Sho would avoid me then clung to me in a very short time.  
I sighed and locked the door.  
  
The ride was awfully quiet. Sho only stared at the window blankly, chin on his hand.  
His eyes were dark, lifeless.  
I wished Sho was okay...  
  
As we arrived at the studio, I greeted the staffs as usual and entered the greenroom.  
I saw Aiba and Nino were flipping through various magazines and complimenting how cool they were in those magazines.  
Sho didn't greet anyone through the hallway. He didn't even greet his bandmates.  
He walked with his cold face on then sat down on the chair far away in the corner as if he didn't want to get near to us.  
  
I walked to Sho and sat beside him.  
"What happened to you, Sho?" I asked worriedly.  
"You've been acting strange since last night. Do you want to talk about it?"  
He fidgeted in his seat and looked around as if he was scared someone heard our conversation.  
"I... I... He... J-" He tried to explain.  
  
"Good morning, guys!"  
Suddenly a cheerful voice entered the room.  
I turned my head to the owner of the voice.  
It was Jun.  
  
"What's up, J? You look so happy today! Wipe your grin off already!" Nino said.  
"Maybe J got laid yesterday!" Aiba giggled.  
"Shut up, both of you! But, yes I'm happy today." He put his arms on Aiba's and Nino's shoulder happily.  
"Good morning, Leader!" He greeted me as he realized my existence.  
"Yo! Morning, Jun." I raised my hand to greet him.  
  
"Morning, Sho-kun." Jun greeted my lover with different tone.  
Sho turned the chair around and buried his face into his arms on the table, shivered.  
"Sho?" I patted his back.  
"Are you okay?" He stayed silent and buried his face more.  
  
I saw Jun walking towards us then he put his hand on Sho's back.  
"What happened to Sho, Leader?" He asked me.  
I shook my head, unable to answer his question.  
  
Suddenly Sho stood up and rushed out of the room while covering his mouth and the other hand holding his stomach.  
The room became silent after that. I was the one who broke the silent.  
"I'll go check on Sho!"  
I followed Sho rushing out. I tried to find Sho but he was nowhere to be found.  
Then I heard a cough from the restroom.  
  
"Sho?" I asked as I entered the room.  
There I found Sho leaning over the basin, puking whatever inside his stomach.  
His eyes were watery. Face looking paler than before.  
Then he ran the water on to rinse his mouth.  
"I told you to rest at home, Sho. You need to rest." I said.  
"No, please Satoshi! Help me!" He faced me suddenly and clenched my arms.  
He burst into tears and buried his face in my chest.  
  
After a few minutes, he stopped crying but suddenly Sho's body became heavier and the hands on my arms dropped limply.  
I hurriedly grabbed him and kneeled down.  
"Sho!!" I could feel the blood in my body rushed to my neck.  
 I tapped Sho's cheek several times but he didn't open his eyes.  
I felt relieved as I saw his chest rising up and down.  
I quickly brought him into the greenroom and told Nino to call a doctor.  
  
  
 _Sho... Please wake up..._  
  
I'll help you!


	7. Chapter 7

  
[Ohno's POV]  
  
My lover laid lifelessly on the couch. He looked so pale. He frowned in his sleep, looking uncomfortable.  
I thumbed his pretty face gently. I was sure Sho was hiding something from me.  
"What made you like this, Sho? Why didn't you tell me?" The tears welled in my eyes.  
I want him to share his pain with me. That's what lovers should do, right?  
But I was glad he's still with me, breathing.  
  
The doctor said Sho was tired and lacked of sleep.  
"He's under chronic stress, Ohno-san. You have to talk with him when he feels better." The doctor added.  
The doctor gave me some pills and told me to give Sho after he woke up.  
Our manager let Sho rest in the greenroom. It's better to keep him here rather than leaving him alone at home.  
I only have one interview for the day anyway.  
  
I held Sho's hand in mine. Wishing he could wake up soon.  
Then I saw some marks on his wrist.  
I didn't remember Sho hurting himself. I was wondering what kind of mark was that.  
I kept staring at his wrist trying to get a clue.  
  
"Ohno-san, it's your turn!" The staff called me.  
"Yes, I'll be there soon."  
I fixed Sho's blanket before leaving and pecked his forehead.  
"Please take care of him for me, Jun." I smiled to Jun who sat on the couch across me, reading his script.  
"Sure, Leader."  
"Thanks Jun." I glanced once more at Sho before leaving the room.  
  
  
  
  
[Jun's POV]  
  
When I was sure Ohno left the room, I occupied the seat where Ohno sat a while ago.  
I couldn't help staring at this angelic face. His face was so pretty, he has cute round eyes, perfect-shaped nose and my favorite, pouty lips.  
This is the man I fondled yesterday. I could still remember how tasty his body was.  
I want to feel him again. The fear in his eyes, made me excited.  
  
Suddenly an idea came to mind.  
I quickly typed a mail to Leader.  
  
 _Leader,  
  
Sho-kun is awake.  
He asked me to drive him back to his apartment.  
  
Jun_  
  
I lied.  
Without waiting his reply, I lifted Sho carefully not wanting waking him up.  
I brought him to my car and carressed his pretty face.  
“I love you, Sho.”  
  
  
  
[Sho's POV]  
  
When I woke up, I could feel my body aching. My waist was still in pain.  
The room was dark. I barely saw anything around the room.  
When I was fully woke up, fear suddenly came into me.  
I wasn't in my bed. Satoshi wasn't here either!  
I panicked then I searched for my phone in my pocket.  
None!  
  
Suddenly the door opened.  
I squinted my eyes to get a better look who was coming.  
  
"Oh you're awake, Sho."  
  
It was Jun.  
  
He entered the room then he turned the lamp on so I could see his face clearly.  
I quickly covered my body with the covers.  
I could feel the cold sweat rolling on my neck.  
He walked towards me slowly. He had something in his hands.  
  
“Sho, do you know how much I want you?” I shivered at his tone.  
His voice was hoarse. His eyes were dark just like yesterday when he... Raped me.  
He sat on the edge of the bed, staring at me.  
I tried to move, but he was quicker to grab my wrist.  
  
“Sho, forget Leader. Be with me, Sho. I could be better than him.”  He said.  
“I know, yesterday was my mistake. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, Sho. I just wanted to show you how I feel. Forgive me, Sho.” Jun continued.  
He stared at the sheet blankly. I could feel the sadness in his tone.  
I wanted to forgive him but we couldn’t erase what we had done in the past.  
“I... I’m sorry, Jun. I love Satoshi.” I answered.  
  
 “AHHHH! WHAT’S SO GOOD IN HIM?!” He shouted furiously. He walked around the room and destroy everything in the room. The perfumes he collected were smashed into pieces.  
He punched the mirror until it broke. I could see the blood trailing his right hand.  
I got out of the room. I quickly ran to the front door.  
  
It was locked.  
  
The sound of Jun breaking things could be heard.  
I tried to find the key with my trembling hands. Couldn’t find it, I rushed to get the phone to get a help from Satoshi.  
I was really scared.  
Jun had turned into a monster.  
This was not Jun.  
I dialed Satoshi’s phone quickly, but Jun threw the phone away from me.  
  
My legs became numb. I dropped myself to the floor.  
He walked towards me, his blood dripping from his hand, making a trail of blood from his bedroom.  
I scooted away trying to avoid him but I was cornered. I could feel the cold wall touching my back.  
Jun stared at me like a beast. I shut my eyes tightly, scared what he would do to me.  
  
 _Help me, Satoshi!!_


	8. Chapter 8

  
[Sho's POV]  
  
I felt suffocated when Jun stared at me like an angry beast. I couldn't run away, I was trapped in his apartment.  
He crouched down and grabbed my hair roughly.  
"Say you love me, Sho..." He said in dark voice.  
I was frozen in my spot. I couldn't voice out my thoughts. I was really scared.  
He tugged my hair until I could feel tears in my eyes. I tried to free myself from but he was unexpectedly stronger.  
"SAY YOU LOVE ME, SHO!" He shouted.  
He stood up as he pulled my hair. I was still sitting on the floor because my legs were numb. My waist was still hurt of what he did yesterday. "Stop it, Jun! It hurts! It hurts!" I sobbed.  
Then I could feel a sting on my right cheek. He slapped me.  
"Shut up!"  
  
I saw Jun pulling out something from his back pocket.  
It was a knife.  
My eyes widened at that and I stopped sobbing. He played with the knife in front of me.  
I could feel my whole body trembling.  
"Sho... Do you know how I feel when I saw fear in your eyes?"  
I shivered.  
"Yes! Those eyes, Sho! Oh god, the fear in your eyes arouses me." He patted the knife on my cheek.  
"Are you scared, Sho?" He smirked.  
The tears in my eyes rolled down uncontrollably. At that time, I really wished someone would come and save me from him.  
  
Not long after that, Jun's phone rang. He snapped his head and cursed.  
I took this chance and stole the knife from him.  
"Fuck!" He cursed again.  
"Stay away from me!" I threatened him with the knife.  
I slowly got up, and winced at the pain on my lower body.  
  
"HAHAHAHA!" Jun laughed.  
My hands were trembling again. Even though I had a weapon with me, Jun was not scared at me.  
"What can you do with that knife, Sho?" He walked closer to me. I stepped backwards as he did that.  
He kept on walked towards me until I could feel the wall touching my back. I panicked.  
"Stop! I, I will stab you if you get any closer!"  
"Do you think you can do that, Sho?" He laughed again.  
"You're such a kind man, Sho. You won't dare stabbing me." He kept on walked towards me.  
"No! I'm serious, Jun!" I saw him just one step away.  
I was panicked then I swayed the knife to keep him away while closing my eyes.  
"STAY AWAAAYY!!"  
  
Jun dropped to the floor and I saw blood sipping through his shirt.  
I... I did that to him.  
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.  
I dropped the knife and grabbed my head in frustration. I made Jun hurt.  
  
"So... You have guts, huh, Sho?" He covered his bloody arm and tugged my hair again with his uninjured arm.  
"See what you have done to me!"  
"Sho is such a bad boy. Sho needs punishment." He smiled devilishly.  
He dragged me to his bedroom by my hair.  
"Stop it, Jun!!" I tried to struggle.  
  
The bedroom was filled with the reek of perfumes he broke a while ago.  
He fished out a gagball and blindfold from his drawer.  
As he found all the things he needed, he pinned me down. I tried to push him but he was too heavy for me.  
He tied my hands with his tie tightly to the bedpost. It felt like he cut my blood circulation in my wrist.  
He put the blindfold on me. As he put the blindfold, I kicked his stomach as hard as I could.  
I could hear the cough from him and he slapped me again.  
"HOW DARE YOU, SHO!"  
He grabbed my chin and slapped me several times until I could feel blood in my mouth.  
I was choked when he put the gagball on me.  
  
He stripped me out from my clothes fastly. He tore my shirt and pulled my pants.  
I could feel the cold air on my skin. He turned me around and forced me to kneel on the bed.  
He tied my legs on either side of the bedpost. Then he spread my legs widely.  
He got on top of me and started to lick my body from the neck.  
I tried to scream and struggle but I was tied. Only muffled moans could be heard.  
I could see nothing but darkness.  
He played with my nipples and cock. He wrapped his hand tightly on my cock. It hurt.  
  
"You're so adorable like this, Sho. You taste so good. But you still owe me some punishments, Sho."  
He jumped out of the bed and I heard to sound of metal colliding.  
It was a leather belt.  
He playfully smacked the belt to the floor. Just the sound of it made me shivered.  
'Please don't!' I screamed in my mind.  
  
 _Slap!_  
  
I felt a sting on my ass.  
  
"Whoa! Sexy mark, Sho. That's one for you. You still have nine more."  
  
 _Slap!_  
  
Now I could feel the sting on my back. I was sure I was bleeding.  
  
"Eight more, Sho."  
  
He slapped me very hard eight more times. I could feel my blood rolling to my stomach. I couldn't feel my back anymore.  
After having fun with his belt, he spread my butt cheeks. My hole was exposed.  
  
"I wonder how tight your ass is after what I've done yesterday."  
  
I could hear the sound of him zipping down his pants.  
  
He thrusted into me deeply without any preparation.  
"Hngggg!!" I cried.  
"Ah! You're still tight, Sho! Ah so good!" He put his hands on my shoulders and continued to pound me roughly.  
  
I couldn't let out tears anymore. My mouth was dry. All my body was aching.  
  
My vision became foggy.  
  
'Just let me die' I thought.  
  
The last thing I heard is Satoshi calling out my name.  
  
  
  
Then the darkness swallowed me.


	9. Chapter 9

  
  
[Ohno's POV]  
  
After leaving Sho with Jun in the greenroom, I started my individual job. It was hard for me to concentrate on my job. My mind was still thinking of Sho.  
'What do you want me to do, Sho?'  
  
The staff was asking me some boring questions. These kinds of question were asked in the past.  
But I had to plaster a fake smile on my face to do my job.  
  
Then, in the middle of the interview, my phone vibrated in my pocket.  
I took a look of it, it was a message from Jun telling me he would drive Sho to our apartment.  
I felt uneasy because Sho begged to me to not leave him in our apartment. But now, Jun said Sho asked him to drive him home.  
I put my phone back into my pocket and continued my job.  
  
Feeling worried, I tried to call Sho's phone. I wanted to make sure if he's okay. But he didn't pick up his phone. I called him several times but still no answers.  
It was unusual for him to not picking up his phone. Suddenly, I felt the urge to get back home like yesterday. Something was not right.  
  
Then my phone rang.  
It was Jun's home number. I quickly answered it. But there was no reply on the other side.  
I could hear faint voices. I tried to concentrate what they're talking about.  
'SAY YOU LOVE ME, SHO!'  
I heard Jun's voice from the other side.  
Jun? Sho?  
I thought I was misheard about that, I continued to listen to my phone while dragging my feet to the car. I asked my manager to drive me to Jun's apartment.  
'Stop it, Jun! It hurts! It hurts!'  
It was Sho's voice now. I clutched my hand to the phone angrily.  
I shouted to my manager angrily.  
"Jun's apartment! NOW!"  
  
Unfortunately the street was crowded and we caught in a traffic jam. I could feel cold sweat running through my neck. I fidgeted in my seat, praying for Sho's safety. I jumped out from the car and started running to Jun's apartment.  
I didn’t care crashing people around the street. All I could think was Sho’s safety.  
  
'SHO!!!'  
  
  
  
[Jun's POV]  
  
When I came to my consciousness, I saw Sho laying down lifelessly in my very own bed. He was tied to the bedpost. His blood was pooled under him.  
  
I saw a belt in my hand.  
  
I did this to him?!  
  
No! It can't be!  
  
I quickly released him and tried to wake him up.  
"Sho! Wake up!!!" I tapped his cheek gently to wake him up. But he didn't open his eyes.  
I was scared to death. My hands were trembling.  
"Sho... Please don't die!" I cried as I hugged him tightly.  
  
Then I saw his chest slowly rising up and down.  
He was breathing!  
Sho opened his eyes slowly and mouthed something I couldn't recognize. As if his eyes were heavy, he closed his eyes again.  
I quickly called the ambulance, and then someone banged the door.  
  
"Jun! Open the door!"  
  
It was Leader.  
  
Without waiting for me unlocking the door, he broke my door by kicking it. He was shocked seeing the state of my apartment. Then he found me, full of blood. My shirt was messy and my arm was bleeding.  
  
"Damn you, Jun! Where is Sho?! Where is he?!!" He grabbed the collar of my shirt and pushed me to the wall harshly.  
I pointed to my bedroom, my head hanging low. I couldn't face Leader. I broke his precious lover, I hurt him, and I might kill him.  
He gasped at the view he saw.  
"No, no... It can't be... SHO!!!!" He ran into my bedroom to make sure Sho was okay.  
  
But I knew he wasn't.  
  
His lover laid down nakedly, blood pooling under him.  
  
I dropped myself to the floor, sobbing.  
I buried my face into my hands.  
"I'm sorry, Sho. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."  
I didn't know how it happened. The last thing I remembered was staring at Sho in the greenroom.  
I couldn't remember what happened next and I didn't want to know.  
  
Not long after that, a siren of ambulance could be heard. The ambulance was here.  
The siren kept ringing in my head as if I was in a trance. I grabbed  and banged my head to the wall to let the sound of siren out of my head. But it was still in my head.  
  
Everything was a blur after that. The only thing I remember was the siren of the ambulance and Sho's plea.  
  
'Stop it, Jun! It hurts'  
  



	10. Chapter 10

  
[Ohno's POV]   
  
My heart broke when I saw my lover laid lifelessly on the hospital bed. His face was as white as the sheet. His breathing was shallow, helped by the machines around him. His body was full of bruises and scars.    
The doctor said he would be fine but he would have a trauma because of this incident.    
I could still remember how I found him in Jun's apartment.   
His eyes was closed, the blood was pooling under him. The sheet that was supposed to be white became dark red because of his blood.   
  
If only I stayed with him.   
If only I rejected that job.   
If only I knew it was Jun.   
  
My head was filled with ifs.    
  
But the fact that Sho was hurt, the fact that Sho was here couldn't be denied.   
I couldn't stop blaming myself. My beloved man had to experience this thing. It's my entire fault!   
I couldn't hold tears that had been welling in my eyes anymore. I punched the Sho's bed lightly, I felt very guilty for not helping Sho earlier.   
  
It was all too late.   
  
He must be scared, he must be seeking help and I didn't notice his scream.   
The room was filled with sobs and the beeping sound from the machine until Nino opened the door and entered the room.   
He frowned at me and walked towards Sho's bed.   
He sat down beside me and tapped my shoulders gently.   
"Oh-chan..." He called me.   
"He's fine, Oh-chan... He's fine... You better take a rest now. You look horrible. I'm sure Sho-chan doesn't want to see you like this", he told me.   
I shook my head, not wanting to leave Sho again. He needed me now.    
"I'm fine, Nino. Thanks", I replied without looking at his eyes again.   
"Oh-chan... Take care of yourself. I don't want to hear another member is in trouble again... Jun-kun... He..."   
"I don't want to hear that man's name!!" I snapped.   
I really didn't want to hear that man's name. The man who made my lover  was suffering .   
The one who made our happiness broke.   
I didn't care if he's one of us. He already hurt my loved one.   
I trusted him but look what he had done?!   
I buried my face into Sho's bed; my hand was entwined with Sho's cold hand.   
I sobbed until I couldn't feel my eyes again.   
  
"Leave us alone, Nino... Please... I just want to be with Sho..." I whispered.   
I didn't see Nino's face again, but I heard Nino's steps, walking out of the room, leaving me and Sho alone.   
  
I didn't want to see anyone right now.    
I just wanted to be with Sho.   
  
I didn't notice that my eyelids were getting heavy.   
  
'Please... Wake up Sho...'    
  
It was my last prayer before I drifted off to my dreamless sleep.   
  
  
***   
  
In the middle of the night, I woke up at the sudden movement on my hand.   
Sho's hand began to react. His closed eyes also began to move.    
Suddenly he opened his eyes. His eyes was full of fear, I could see the tears in his eyes as he saw me.    
  
"Sho..." I called him.   
  
But he began to struggle and pulled the wires on his body.   
I held him quickly to prevent him doing something dangerous before I pressed the emergency button.   
"Don't touch me!! Let me go!!" Sho shouted as he struggled in my arms.   
The nurses and a doctor arrived soon after that. They injected Sho to calm him down. As if Sho's motoric shutted down, Sho cooled down as he drifted off to his slumber again.   
My tears were streaming down my cheek. I couldn't stand seeing Sho like this.   
Damn, damn!!! Why did it happen?!!   
I fell into my knees then I punched the floor to release my anger.   
It hurt to see my lover like this, my heart was in pain.    
The doctor crouched down and patted my back. It was soothing.   
"Ohno-san... Sakurai-san had gone through terrible experience. It's normal for him to react like this. I think he's afraid of people's touch now. We can't do much about this. But I'll try my best to save him. You mustn’t give up on him."   
I raised my head to see the doctor's eyes. His eyes was sincere, I could do nothing but to trust him.   
"Please... Save him..." I begged him as I gripped his white coat tightly.   
"I will, Ohno-san. I will... Could you leave the room now, I need to check Sakurai-san's condition", the doctor said.   
I listened to him and waited outside.   
My eyes were stinging, my head was pounding because the lack of sleep but I didn't want to get back home until Sho's awake again. I needed to make sure he's okay.   
After the doctor finished checking up on Sho, they let me in again.    
"I injected him before to calm him down. His vitals are fine, his motoric nerves are also fine but the scars will remain. He'll feel his body burning as soon as he woke up. So he needs to be extra careful to move his body or the wound would open up again. He'll wake up by tomorrow morning, sir", the doctor ensured me.   
I nodded at that then I stole a glance at Sho's pale face.    
"Okay then, Ohno-san. I'm leaving now. Just press the button if you need anything. Good night, sir", the doctor bowed before leaving the room.   
"Thank you so much..." I thanked him.   
  
I sat beside Sho's bed again and stared at his angelic face.    
I wish this thing had never happened.   
  
Soon, I fell into a deep slumber again.   
  
***   
  
I stirred as the warm sunlight hit my face. My body was sore. I fell asleep in a sitting position beside Sho's bed.   
I looked up to check on Sho.   
Sho was still asleep peacefully. His skin color had gone better.     
I pushed the bangs away from his forehead and pecked him.    
"I love you, Sho... And always will..." I whispered.   
After adoring his beautiful face, I went to the bathroom to freshen up my sleepy state. From the bathroom, I could hear a groan from Sho. I quickly dried my face with the towel then rushed to see Sho. I was excited to know he's awake.   
When I saw the awakened figure, my tears were already welling in my eyes. I walked to him slowly, hands reaching him.   
  
"Sho... You're... Awake..." I called him.   
  
But as Sho saw me, he quickly covered himself with the covers and shook his head vigorously. His eyes were full of fear.   
"D-don't... Don't hurt me..." He whispered. I could see his body was trembling.   
"Sho... It's me, Satoshi. I won't hurt you", I kept walking to him and touched his arms.   
Suddenly he slapped my hand away and screamed.   
"No!!! Stay away!"   
Sho was trembling and his tears were streaming down uncontrollably.   
"No... Please don't... I've done nothing wrong..." He begged.   
"Sho..." I choked.    
Sho didn't recognize me and he told me to stay away from him. My heart broke into pieces.    
Hearing the scream from the room, the nurses came into the room, asking me what had happened.   
I couldn't explain to them. I was too shocked seeing Sho in a vulnerable state.    
Sho continued to scream and crying endlessly.    
"Stop! Let me go!!" The nurses held him down and started to tied him to the bed.   
Sho continued to struggle but stopped when he was tied in the bed.    
"Please... Leave me alone. Don't hurt me", he sobbed.    
I tried to reach him but a nurse dragged me out of the room.    
"Ohno-san, he's in the unstable state right now. Please let him alone and let the doctor check on him", the nurse told me.   
  
"I need to save him! Sho needs me!" I protested, my weak muscles tried to push away the nurses that were on my way.   
  
Then someone turned me around and slapped my cheek.   
It was Nino.   
"Stop it, Oh-chan!"    
Nino's eyes were red, his lips were trembling.   
"If you want to save him... Just leave him alone first. He didn't even recognize you, his lover. Just give him some space, Oh-chan", he said as a tear rolling down his cheek.   
"Nino's right, Leader. Give Sho-chan some space for now. He can't think clearly at this time. Not after this thing happened to him. Approach him slowly, gain his trust again, Leader. He wanted you to stay away from him now. Then do so. Don't force him this fast. Just wait, wait for him. Just don't give up on him." Aiba smiled at me then he pulled the crying Nino into his embrace.   
"Sorry, Nino... I just... I just can't see him like this. It's all my fault, Nino. I'm the one who brings him into this." I leaned on the wall, sighing.   
My head was still pounding.    
"It's not your fault, Leader. It's no one's fault. Stop blaming yourself..." Aiba patted my shoulders. Nino, who was freed from Aiba's embrace, wiping his tears and told me to go home because I looked horrible.   
I obeyed him and I also thought I deserved a good sleep for now.   
I peeked into the room to see Sho one last time before going home. His eyes were dull, staring at his hands blankly.   
  
'Sho... Wake me up from this  nightmare .    
I want to see your smile again.    
I want to hear your laughter.    
Please... Wake me up...'


	11. Chapter 11

  
[Jun’s POV]  
  
  
When I came back to my mind, I was in bed. I didn’t know whose place this was.  I didn’t know how, I didn’t know who brought me into this place. This place was surely not mine because there’s no trail of blood, not scattered things, no reek of perfume I broke, and there’s no Sho. The place was warm but I was shivering. I was feeling cold, my hands were trembling.  
  
Sho’s plea and the sound of siren kept echoing in my head. I gripped my head tightly wishing they could go away. I pulled my hair in desperation but whatever I did, it just wouldn’t stop. That horrible scene was also repeating in my mind like a broken video.  
  
I remembered when Ohno entered my apartment, searching for his lover desperately. It was my fault. Yes, it was my entire fault. I was the one. I was killing Sho. The man I loved. I didn’t know why I did that to him. I was just... I was just wanted to tell him how much I love him. But seeing him with Ohno, it hurt me so bad. Why him? Why not me? I didn’t realize when he became my obsession. I was sick seeing him close to another man. I wished it was me he clung to. He was supposed to be mine. Mine only.  
  
Now what? Sho might be dying because of me. I broke Sho’s happiness. I broke Sho’s life. This was my mistake. I missed how my heart felt warm when he smile, when he laughed. Now those smiles and laughter were gone... Because of me. Sho might hate me. I was sure he hated me now. I’d rather die than to be hated by him.  
  
Die?  
  
Should I just die?  
  
Could it make him happy again?  
  
Of course, right?  
  
I was the one who broke him after all. If I weren’t here, If I died, he would be happy. I didn’t deserve to live anyway. I had no purpose in this life anymore. It was Sho, only Sho, he was the reason I kept living until now.  
  
While having those thoughts, I didn’t realize I was in the kitchen already. My hand was holding the knife. With a knife, I had threatened Sho. I almost stabbed him, I almost ended his life that day.  
  
‘Please, Jun. Stop it...’  
  
Why did I do that? Why?  
  
I slowly pointed the knife to my stomach. I wanted to end my life now and here. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t deserve to live. Someone like me wasn’t supposed to live. I could feel the chill rushing through my veins. My heart was beating loudly, my whole body was trembling. Is it the fear of dying?  
  
I closed my eyes and I clutched on to the knife tightly.  
  
I have to end my life now.  
  
Then I aimed the knife to my stomach without any second thoughts.  
  
*clang*  
  
Cold.  
  
My hands felt cold. And they were wet.  
  
I could feel drops of water fell on my trembling hands. I slowly opened my eyes again, there I saw my bandmate stopping my hands and dropped the knife from my hands. The guy was crying.  
  
Why did he stop me?  
Why did he do that after all I’ve done?  
  
“Why...”  
  
I fell on my knees; I didn’t realize my tears were already streaming down on my cheeks. I was glad he stopped me but on the other hand I also felt I had to die.  
  
“Jun... Please don’t do this”  
“Why did you stop me?! WHY?!”  
“Please, Jun! I don’t want to see my friends dying again. No more. Please... Jun!”  
“It was my fault. It was my fault! SHO IS DYING BECAUSE OF ME! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?!”  
“It was’t you, Jun! You were just blinded! You’re a good man, Jun... I always believe in you, Jun”  
“Why... Why do you care? I... I’m no such man”  
  
I was breaking down. Why did he say such thing?! There’s nothing good in me. I almost killed someone, how could he say I’m a good man?! I buried my face on my hands. I couldn’t help but crying. It hurt, it hurt so much.  I just wanted Sho to live happily! I was such a nuisance in his life.  
  
Aiba then wrapped his arms around my trembling body tightly. I could feel his tears wetting my shirt, but I didn’t care.  
  
“Jun... Please... Continue your life. You can fix your life, Jun. You just need help. I wish I knew your feelings towards Sho before this happened. I wish you told me, Jun”  
  
He rubbed the back of my head gently. His gesture was so warm and kind. This action of his made me cry even more. I clutched on to his shirt tighter and cry my lungs out. It felt like the guilt inside me was lifted off. I wish I could fix all of my mistakes, oh how I wish I could turn back the time.  
  
Now what should I do with my life?


End file.
